BASED ON TRUE EVENTS.
This story is not for the weak of heart or, probably more relevant, weak of stomach. It’s a tale filled with horrors, humor and day old Chinese takeout.
It all began about a six weeks ago, when my sister was in town visiting me for the week. I decided to prove myself to her by making a delicious, homemade dinner for her first night in town. I whipped together, and by whipped I mean diligently and methodically tried to recreate from a Tasty video, parmesan and spinach stuffed chicken with a white sauce and sweet corn on the side.
The was the last vegetable I encountered for two weeks (insert dramatic Law and Order transition music here.)
You might be wondering, “how did she go two whole weeks without eating another vegetable? Isn’t she an adult with a full-time job?” To answer your question, most adults with a full-time job spend a lot of time at the office and very little time at home in the kitchen. I, having been determined to keep grocery shopping to a minimum (aka until payday), began creating innovative cuisines. I’d eat Frosted Cheerios and slices of cheese for dinner. I’d eat mash potatoes as an entree because rules are meant to be broken. But, most importantly, I relied heavily on my neighbors to keep me nourished, those neighbors being the family-friendly Chinese restaurant just down the street.
Two weeks into my oblivious state of subconsciously avoiding all vegetables, I took my leftover fried rice to work one day, thinking it’d make a great side dish for my deli turkey. As I sat at my desk, shoveling room-temperature rice into my mouth, it happened. Despite my diligent shoveling, a green pea had made its way onto my spoonful of fried rice. I immediately spit it out, like the hero I am, refusing to let it contaminate the rest of my lunch, when I was suddenly struck by an odd thought: How many other vegetables had I avoided or heroically spit out since my sweet, sweet encounter with sweet corn 2 weeks before?
I thought back over those two weeks trying to pinpoint a vegetable, any vegetable, that may have snuck into my body. When that failed, I thought surely there were some veggies at home I could eat to right this nutrient-lacking wrong. All I saw was a bag of dried up carrots and a sad, smelly onion, both untouched in those two weeks time.
I, Marissa Gaal, an adult with a full-time job and the responsibility of caring for another living thing (a dog not another human, don’t worry) went two weeks without eating a vegetable. In case you were looking for the definition of what a garbage human looks like, you’ve found it. I was surviving off of breakfast cereal, questionable deli meats and cheeses, and microwave bacon.
Yet, I am proud to say I have changed my ways, if only slightly. I now eat up to two salads a week and am trying to learn to tolerate the flavor of carrots when not drenched in Ranch dressing. What an eye opening experience the past six weeks have been, and while vegetables are still bland and generally disgusting, I’m a slightly more nutritious person for letting them into my life.