I’m going to say what literally no one is thinking.
Summer. Is. The. Worst.
Blasphemy I know. But I was a ginger baby conceived in the dead of winter and born in the early days of fall. While I actually had nothing to do with this “planning”, I think my fetal self knew how treacherous summer would be and decided to skip it all together.
Don’t get me wrong, I love certain activities associated with summer, like walking the trails with my dog, going to the farmer’s market, sitting on the patio sipping on some half-priced happy hour drinks. But, when you mesh together those activities with grueling heat and Midwest humidity, I wilt. So, while I respect summer, I do not agree with it. Here’s why.
Much like Winifred in Hocus Pocus, us ginger’s don’t see eye to eye with the sun. I can’t travel anywhere out of doors in the summer without lugging along a gallon of sunscreen. Do you know how awkward it is to reapply sunscreen in a public place, when that place isn’t the pool? Don’t mind me, just awkwardly lathering sun lotion on my body for all to see… I have gotten sunburnt in October, people. I like to enjoy the sunshine from the comfort of my air conditioned apartment, where it safely seeps in through my windows, unable to burn me with its UV rays. We have an unspoken agreement: I stay inside where I belong, so long as it stays outside where it belongs.
A look into my inner monologue when trying to get dressed during sweaty summer weather.
It’s summer. I want to go outside. But it’s hot. So I’ll sweat. But I want to look cute. I could just wear black. But no, I can’t, because black attracts more sunlight, making me sweat more. I could wear a loose dress. But then if I sit down on any seat, I’ll leave sweaty thigh prints behind. So I can’t wear black, I can’t look cute, and I can’t sit down. Yeah, I should probably stay inside.
The Lack of Fall Wardrobe Choices
What the hell do people wear in the summer for work? I spend 40 hours a week at work and the rest at home and yet 100% of my closet is dedicated to fall wardrobe choices. You can’t wear shorts to work because of professionalism or something. All that’s out there on the summer wardrobe market is corp tops and shirts that you can’t wear a bra with yet are completely see through. I just want to dress in layers and flannels and leggings and bulky vintage sweaters. I bought two winter sweaters in the heat of July last week and I’m not even ashamed, only sad that I have to wait like three more months to wear them.
The countdown to fall is on.